LEFT: Big Hair. RIGHT: Boy George.
The other night the girls and I were indulging in some oaky chardonnay and Cheez-Its whilst reminiscing about how big our hair used to be back in “the day,” meaning the 1980s. Ah, the '80s! I just loved the '80s, they were fun, they were indulgent, they were totally tubular. There was so much to enjoy then (with a free unencumbered conscious about the environment, your fellow man, and ethics - sigh). I’ve compiled a list of 10 of my best-loved '80s memories. I know, a “10” list. But 7 seems skimpy and 20 is just plain rude. We all have shit to do. So 10.
- Big Hair. Of course this will always be the most missed. Just how big is “big” hair. Well, if you could easily negotiate a doorway, then maybe you needed a tad more Aqua Net – like a can more. It was not uncommon to have satellite dish like circumference hair. Which brings us to –
- Aqua Net. Okay, no doubt this stuff should be used to spray on houses and buildings during a hurricane to keep them intact. Whatever ingredient (shellac? A secret mixture brought here by aliens?) is in this magic elixir that gives whatever it’s sprayed on (mostly hair) the staying power of quick-drying cement, is splendid! But, you say, it’s an aerosol – bad for the environment! Right, it’s not good for the environment. But it was the 80s – nothing took a back seat to your hair. Nothing.
- Cyndi Lauper. She gave us girls the still relevant war cry “Girls just wanna have fun.” Oh yes Cyndi we, did wanna have fun. And we still do. And we always will. Because fun is FUN.
- Boy George. Boy George, by George! was the consummate club kid. And sort of a super-cool other worldly drag queen. And not once did we have to hear him say “You go, girl!” That alone makes him awesome.
- Ivan Boesky. The money machine and BFF of Michael Milkin – two guys who brought insider trading to spectacular heights. (I actually worked in the building in Manhattan where Boesky had his headquarters at one time and saw his operation– epic. So many rows of quotrons lined up on tiered levels – so much ma-ah-ah-ah-nee being generated. It was like being on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise. Except instead of Klingons the SEC was always on your heels. And they could be just as ugly. (As you may or may not know Ivan was the inspiration for the character Gordon Gekko, curiously surnamed, though not correctly spelled, after a small lizard that now does insurance commercials – I notice these things). I just wish I had what Boesky paid in fines. $100 million.
- Shoulder pads. Comin’ through! A fullback from the New England Patriots had nothing on you.
- Leg warmers. When working out to Jane Fonda you HAD to wear these, along with a head band to keep your bright blue eyeshadow and CoverGirl foundation from dripping into your eyes.
- Mixtapes on Cassette. Every time something of importance happened; You got a new BFF, you scored some awesome coke, or just wanted new aerobics music – make a mixtape! There was a mixtape for everything, A thoughtful musical narration to life on a cassette you could play on your….(drum roll) Walkman! Shut up!
- Bands with Repetitive Names. Let’s see – Talk, Talk, Mister Mister, Duran Duran, The The, Lisa Lisa. You get the idea idea.
- Pac Man. The granddaddy of video games – unless of course you count Pong – which I don’t, because I don’t feel like it. Pac Man was great because it was about eating. Enough said.
LEFT: Aqua Net. RIGHT: Cyndi Lauper.
Admittedly, I only scratched the surface of the greedy, self-indulgent, coked-up, hair-loving, legwarmer wearing, Wall Street reigning, MTV loving, '80s. But I think we touched on some of the most important parts.
As Cyndi Lauper once said: “Humor is a great vehicle for getting a message across. If you get too serious, you could die of starch.”
And that’s the Totally Tubular View from this Broad Broad.
Anna Collins is a writer, photographer and videographer.
